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assbutt-in-the-garrison:

penceyprepofficial:

when I was like 9 my neighbors asked me to watch their fish and cat while they went on vacation and I was like “lol k” and while they were gone tHE FUCKING FISH DIED so when they got home I apologized to the mom and she was just like “no need to apologize, I turned the filter off so they would die because they are too much work. You did nothing wrong” and she gave me 20 bucks and that is the story of my first contracted murder

your first…?

1 day ago with 369,590 notes

“I never fucking said that”

God, Buddha, Gandhi, The Dali Llama, Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, Oscar Wilde, Sylvia Plath and everyone else probably (via thebatty)

4 days ago with 333,461 notes